Precious
by LaChoy
Summary: “You make this world beautiful. You make my life so amazing. I’d do anything for you. I’d die for you if I had to.” A trip into the mind of Ritsuka's mother.


**Disclaimer: Loveless does not belong to me.**

**Notes:** I actually feel bad for Misaki (Ritsuka and Seimei's mother). And I wanted to get inside her head. Pretty sure there might be some inconsistencies with the storyline for Loveless. Feel free to point them out.

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Ritsuka was the only thing she had ever done right. Ever gotten perfect in all her miserable life. She was a pathetic woman. She was only good for what she made.

And she made beautiful children.

Seimei was one of the greatest children to have ever walked the Earth but Ritsuka. Oh, Ritsuka had been the most perfect child to have ever existed. Greater than any god or king.

She could not remember doing anything right. Her husband didn't love her and she hadn't expected him to. For she didn't love herself and neither did the world. He was a very useless man anyway.

Even though he was almost as worthless as she was, she had gotten pregnant rather quickly with Seimei. A beautiful child, but mean with an almost fake smile. He also had the most bizarre fear of germs which made him so odd. But oh, she loved him anyway. Loved him for his beauty and his intelligence. Such a smart, smart child. Such a stunning little genius.

But then he'd say cruel, cruel things to her. Such cruel things. And she would hit him, yelling at him.

"I'm your mother, Seimei! I am your mother! You love me more than anything! _You love me more than anything!_"

How it would hurt her heart to see his cheek swollen and red. To see the cold glare he would give her. She would hug him to her, wishing for her little baby back. Her baby who needed her. Seimei was awfully independent. She needed to know he loved her. She fed upon the love that little Seimei seemed to have none of.

It took five long years to make Ritsuka. But she was dedicated to making another baby. Dedicated to making a perfect child. A child that everybody would feel envious of. A child that would love her more than anything.

She had cried joy filled tears when she had found out she was pregnant. Her husband hadn't seemed as excited but what did that matter when she knew, _felt_, she had the perfect child inside her?

As she was pregnant, she'd rub her stomach with loving hands, cooing soft words to her growing baby.

And the pain she felt as she delivered him was worth it. All for him. Anything for her…her…her Ritsuka. Ritsuka. A beautiful name.

When her eyes fell to her newborn baby, with his black hair and his cat ears twitching, his maroon eyes opening to look at her, it was love. It was perfection. It was Ritsuka. This beautiful baby was everything a mother wished for. And she felt a connection to him when he looked at her. She _felt_ it. He'd smile at her. He'd make noises at her. Precious little soft noises.

"It's a pretty baby," Seimei had told her one day after she had finished changing Ritsuka's diaper. "He'll be beautiful when he's older."

"No, Seimei. You're wrong. He is already beautiful. He is the most beautiful thing you will ever see, _right_?"

He had looked at her calculatingly as he agreed. Too calculating for a boy his age, but that was what made Seimei amazing in his own way. He'd never be as perfect as Ritsuka. Nobody would. It was impossible.

Ritsuka made her feel good. Made her feel loved as he'd look at her with his beautiful eyes, smiling and making cooing sounds.

When he got old enough to form sentences, she'd ask him one question before he'd go to sleep.

"Ritsuka, who do you love? Who do you love the most?"

He'd smile at her, his beautiful smile, his beautiful eyes twinkling and answer, "You, Mommy. I love you the most!"

She'd ask in the morning, getting the same answer he had given her the night before. And it was a ritual. A ritual that made life precious and nice. Life was worth living just to hear those words.

He was not as smart as Seimei, but everybody loved Ritsuka. Not as much she did but still, they loved her youngest boy. People told her how great her Ritsuka was. What a wonderful mother she was for raising such a beautiful child. And hearing that made her feel she was worth something. She loved going to his school to hear teachers gush on and on about what a joy Ritsuka was.

"Ritsuka, who do you love? Who do you love the most?"

Even as he got older, he'd still smile and tell her what she needed to hear, "You, Mom. I love you the most."

"Ritsuka, you're such a precious child." She'd tell him, her hands on his face as she'd look at his perfect features. "You make this world beautiful. You make my life so amazing. I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you if I had to."

And how his face would be full of fear when she said those words. How reassured she'd feel.

"But you won't die, right?"

Oh, how loved she felt. How complete she felt.

And then it all changed. Everything started rusting and decaying.

"Good morning, my Ritsuka! Who do you love? Who do you love the most?"

"Um?"

The first break hurt the worst. The first break almost made her cry.

"N-no, Ritsuka. Not like that. Try again, okay? Try again, my precious little Ritsuka…"

"I love…?"

_The second break hurt too._

She had walked towards him, looking pleadingly at him. Noticing something was off about him. Noticing his eyes didn't have that special shine they usually had. That he didn't look as sweet.

"Please, Ritsuka. Please. Get it right. Get it right for Mommy?" She had pleaded, kneeling down, putting her hands on his face. Feeling tears ready to run down her cheeks.

"I-I don't know?"

Her nails had gone into his beautiful face. Her Ritsuka had flinched. Had tried getting away from her.

"S-stop that…it hurts…"

"Who do you love!?" She had screamed, everybody running towards the scene, wondering what was happening. "Tell me right now who you love! Tell me! Tell me!" Her nails went in deeper, blood trickling down her beautiful Ritsuka's face.

"I don't know!" He was screaming, tears running along with the blood. He was sobbing. He was crying. Her Ritsuka's face looked so sad…but…but this wasn't Ritsuka. She didn't know what had happened. She was scared. She began crying along with him. Sobs that made her feel like she couldn't breathe.

"Where's Ritsuka!?" She shrieked, not removing her nails from his face. "Where is he!? Tell me!"

"Let me go! Let me go! You're hurting me!"

She had thrown him aside when he had said that, throwing him onto a table. The edge. She was sure it must have hurt but nothing hurt more than knowing the only person who loved her was gone. Was taken hostage by some demon. Something. Something that was not Ritsuka.

She had taken a hold of his shoulders soon after. Shaking him with every ounce of strength she had. And he had somehow gotten away from her grip, running back up the stairs, into his room. She followed and when she got to his door, it was locked.

"You let me in! Let me in! Get out of Ritsuka's room!"

"Go away!" It was Ritsuka's voice saying it. It hurt. It hurt. "Go away!" It hurt.

And no matter the tests she gave, no matter how hard she tried to get rid of the imposter, no matter how much she begged, prayed, cried; it was no use. The only thing she had ever done right was gone.

And then Seimei had died.

Why did the world hate her so? Did she really deserve to lose both of her children? What had she ever done wrong? Hadn't she been the best mother? Giving both her children all the love she could give? Why, why, why, why was the world so horrible?

But she'd fight against it with everything she had.

"Ritsuka is a sweet child. You are not. Be sweeter."

"Okay."

"Ritsuka loves me. Love me. Love me because you've destroyed my life. It's all your fault."

"I love you."

She slapped him.

"Not.Like.That!"

He nodded. The imposter nodded.

"Who do you love, Ritsuka? Who do you love the most?"

"I love you, Mom. I love you the most."

She slapped him again, glaring. "Ritsuka says it sweeter. Ritsuka lets me know he loves me. I feel his love. You are not the real Ritsuka. Make sure you know that."

"I am not the real Ritsuka."

"You are an imposter. A fake."

"I'm an imposter. A fake."

She smiled, "Good. Good, you little fake."

It stung her to hurt her Ritsuka's body. It hurt to know she was damaging such a perfect and pure thing. She didn't want to. She didn't want her Ritsuka's body to show imperfection from scars; especially if they were from her. But it was the only way.

She'd lift his shirt up, pull his pants down, seeing all the scars he had, all the bruises, all the bandages on his naked body. All her fault. She'd cry. Cry for what she'd done. And she would hug him. Hoping to reach her Ritsuka wherever he was.

"Ritsuka, Ritsuka…I am so sorry, my Ritsuka. Your body is so abused, so hurt. I'm so sorry. But I have to, Ritsuka. Don't hate me. Please, don't hate me," She'd say as she held Ritsuka's body in her arms. "I'm like a mother bear…I have to attack predators. I have to…I have to. I have to because I love you."

"I love you too."

But oh, empty words came from that imposter and she threw him out of her motherly hug and onto the floor.

"No, no you do not. Nobody loves me. Nobody but Ritsuka loves me and I love nobody but Ritsuka."


End file.
